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Don’t believe the hype. As appealing an idea it might to pick Mr. Bernie Sanders over former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, she’s almost a sure thing. Sure, Bernie has pulled almost neck and neck with the formerly clear frontrunner, but the momentum is really behind the used-to-be Senator from New York. Which is a shame, because Hillary Clinton is one corrupt, shady lady. You might think you know everything, but this is one woman who’s got skeletons in every closet in her mansion. So, here, for your consideration, are 13 things you may not know about Hillary Clinton but should before you cast your ballot.

1. She’s Totally In Wall Street’s Pocket

So, for years and years, Hill-dog has been glad-handing the Wall Street top-level goons, giving speeches and attending benefits. But the transcripts of her speeches have never been released. There’s a reason for that. Said one Goldman Sachs employee who was present at one of her speeches, “[The speech] was pretty glowing about [Goldman Sachs]. It’s so far from what she sounds like as a candidate now. It was like a ‘rah-rah’ speech. She sounded more like a Goldman Sachs managing director.”


2. Her Foreign Policy Experience Isn’t Good

Okay, so Hillary Clinton used to be Secretary of State, a position that saw her mingling with world leaders and handling international issues second only to the President. Just because she held the job, though, doesn’t mean she was actually good at it. Salon called her time as a foreign policy manager, “experience comprised of disaster after disaster.” There are several examples to point to: a failed military coup in Honduras, and a “disastrous” war in Libya for starters.

Hillary Clinton

3. Her Healthcare Plan is Garbage

On the surface, Clinton’s plan seems more moderate than Sanders’s, but that’s her whole game. Clinton doesn’t want to offend anyone … all the way to the Oval Office. Unfortunately, smarter people than I have spent time actually crunching the numbers and they have found Clinton’s proposals wanting, saying, “when it comes to Obamacare, Clinton has boxed herself in with a series of toothless and contradictory proposals.”


4. She’s Proud of Her Divisiveness

In the Democratic Debate last October, moderator Anderson Cooper posed the following question, “You’ve all made a few people upset over your political careers. Which enemy are you most proud of?” Okay, for the record, the correct answer here is something like, “None of them. Enemies are inevitable but unfortunate in this game and I try to make sure no bridges are burned completely. Politics is a game of compromise, not battle.” Here’s what Hillary Clinton said: “Well, in addition to the NRA, the health insurance companies, the drug companies, the Iranians. Probably the Republicans.” Yay! It’s great that she’s happy about pissing off the representatives of half the country! Great!

The Chipmunk

5. She Likes To Tell Lies In Public

This is kind a “duh” one, but let’s take a moment to address one of her more recent fibs. On April 14, she said that her opponent, Bernie Sanders, was a big fan of the NRA. That’s is flat-out untrue. While Bernie tends to vote his conscience when it comes to the NRA (i.e. his votes change depending on the topic), he “has actually received low marks from the National Rifle Association over his decades-long legislative career.”


6. She Owns Houses

That’s “houses”. In spite of the fact that she’s really fond of her woman-of-the-people image, Hillary is absolutely a multimillionaire with two mansions worth around 4 million in total and she earns 300K for every speaking engagement she attends. In short, she’s mega-rich, folks, so can’t necessarily relate to the plight of the common people.


7. She Can Toss ‘Em Back

All the way back in 2008, the Telegraph confirmed that Hillary Clinton had actually taken on John McCain in a vodka drinking contest. And won. According to the article, “Dimitri Demjanov, proprietor of Gloria’s, said the two political heavyweights managed four shots each before Mrs Clinton was declared the winner, though the rules of the contest remain somewhat opaque.”

Mrs. Clinton

8. Clinton Has a Complicated Relationship With Women

In February, things got a little controversial when Madeleine Albright said, “It’s not done and you have to help. Hillary Clinton will always be there for you. And just remember, there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” The suggestion being that if you’re a woman who doesn’t support Clinton, well, you know. Unfortunately, there’s scads of documentation indicating that Clinton isn’t a fan of ladies, including the time, “When former Sen. Bob Packwood was accused of sexual harassment, Clinton told her friend Blair that she was ‘tired of all those whiney women,’ and that she needed Packwood on health care.”

She's The Master of Looking Bored

9. She Used To Be A Republican

While Hillary has always maintained a love of politics (or a lust for power, whichever), she was raised a Republican. As she wrote in her autobiography, “I was also an active Young Republican and, later, a Goldwater girl, right down to my cowgirl outfit and straw cowboy hat emblazoned with the slogan “AuH20.” … I liked Senator Goldwater because he was a rugged individualist who swam against the political tide.” Of course, Goldwater lost in a landslide to Lyndon Johnson and Hillary — like every college student in the world — went Democrat in one short election cycle.

Goldwater girls

10. She Turned Down Bill A Lot

The former President attempted — for some reason — to snag Hillary several times, proposing to her on multiple occasions. Then, about two years after his first attempt, “he drove her up to a house she’d liked in Arkansas, announced he’d bought it, and said she’d have to marry him because he couldn’t live there alone. She said yes.” No comment.

Hillary and Bill

11. If You Think She’s Untrustworthy, You’re Not Alone

It’s no secret that millennials aren’t big fans of Hillary Clinton, mostly because they get kind of a shady vibe off of her. Well, that sentiment is shared by pretty much everyone. In a poll taken in February, Clinton was determined to be the least trustworthy candidate in the entire election. She even beat out Donald Trump, and that’s saying something.


12. She Failed the Bar Exam

Hillary aced her Arkansas bar exam, but didn’t pass the Washington DC bar the first time she took it. Apparently it was focused more on multi-state law rather than the local law she prepared for.

young Hillary Clinton

13. She Hasn’t Driven a Car Since 1996

While giving a speech to the National Automobile Dealers Association in New Orleans, Hillary Clinton admitted that she hasn’t driven a car for herself since 1996. We’re not going to make any value judgements against her on that one; just putting it out there.

Hillary Clinton

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