A while back, an enchanting question was posted on Reddit: “How would a school for magic in the USA differ from Hogwarts?” The responses were varied and abundant. It’s no big surprise with such a wide pool of Harry Potter fans in the world, there were some witty answers, not to mention a few poignant digs at America. Here are a some of the best responses.
1. Sorry Hedwig
Obviously the mail would be delivered by eagles.
2. Super Sized Subs and Taco Tuesdays
Bigger portions of food at the banquets.
3. Black Magic Friday
Students wouldn’t go shopping for their crap in some back alley marketplace; there would be a Mall of Wizardry with department stores. Or perhaps a Witch-Mart.
4. Right to Bear Wands
Avada Kedavra would be a constitutional right, but you can only use it if you pass a background check, and then only for self defense, or for hunting.
5. Forever in Debt
You would need to take out massive loans to attend.
6. Sorry Weasley
Ron could not afford to go.
7. Will Need Some Flying Cheerleaders, Too
Quidditch would be renamed and a new sport named Quidditch that has nothing to do with the original sport would be created and become the national game for the wizard school(s).
8. Today, Let’s Learn About the Horcruxcifiction
It would be under constant harassment from Christian fundamentalists.
9. Hogwarts, 90210
You wouldn’t have Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff so much as the Jocks, the Rich Kids, the Nerds and Screech.
10. ObamaCare’s Just Not Good Enough
The nurses/healing spells would be privatized so only the upper-class students could afford to use them.
11. Just Say No
They wouldn’t teach defense against the dark arts, because “the only 100% defense against the dark arts is abstinence from all magic”.
12. Big Sister is Watching You
The school would be under a pervasive sense of surveillance, with a zero tolerance policy for illicit magic on the back of every student’s mind. You could get suspended just for pointing your finger in the shape of a wand; forget actually casting anything outside of the classroom. You think the administration would go 5 years completely ignoring the rise of radical Dark Lord fanatics? Anyone who even sneezed and it sounded like Voldemort would be ratted out by their peers and placed on a No Broomstick list.
13. Hagrid Would Have his Hand’s Full
Care of Magical Creatures would cover Sasquatch and jackalopes.
14. Everyone Gets a Trophy
Protests demanding that everyone have the same looking Patronus so as not to make someone feel less important.
15. Because it’s the Best
Everyone’s patronus would be an eagle.
16. Go Ahead, Make My Day
Dirty Harry Potter
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